Benoit™
From CaseyPedia
Benoit™ (born 1979) is a well-known member of the Haterz™ community who started following the Casey Serin trainwreck in January 2007, and retroactively caught up with the story from the beginning at that point. Known to participate in most of the Haterz™ blogs, and possibly recognized as the guy with a knack for wordplay and "Internet Detective Work". He is also one of the Caseypedia editors, working in the Department of Snark and Invective.
On the June 15, 2007 Haterz-cast, LossMitPro gave props to Benoit's investigative skills, saying: "Hey, I only had a couple of [citations on Google], and Benoit™ outed me."
[edit] Limericks
[edit] "Modern Major General" Parody Song
I started writing a Serin-inspired parody of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Major General's Song" from The Pirates of Penzance. So far only the first of three verses are written, to many accolades --
I am the very model of an unrepentant criminal
I steal from banks subversively through strategies subliminal
My mortgage apps were finalized with multiple mendacities
By my declaring income streams of dubious veracities
The properties I purchased were appraised for more than actual
With fabricated values altogether counterfactual
Affording me a way of life approximating royalty
While scamming all my family and those who'd shown me loyalty
When pressed about my thievery, I'm largely sanctimonious
Admitting all the while that my actions were felonious
And since I robbed a bunch of banks with strategies subliminal
I am the very model of an unrepentant criminal!
Following is a sampling of the Casey-related limericks from Benoit™ --
There was once a girl named Galina
Quite dumb in the scamming arena
She's laughing at present
But won't be so pleasant
When the sheriff gives her a subpoena!
My sitemeter constantly climbs
When I detail my hideous crimes
With only ten readers
I'm still a hits leader
'Cause each one clicks ten thousand times!
A man who drafts lawsuits galore
Whom some like and others deplore
Wants his last name repressed
So I'll merely suggest
That his surname is Villaseñ... uhh...
That we not bring it up anymore!
Said Casey, appearing resplendent:
"It feels great to be independent.
I just bought this suit,
For my next photo shoot.
It's too bad that I'm the defendant!"
Young Casey was heard to complain,
"My cellmate is causing me pain."
Whence Bubba replied,
"In here, you're my bride,
And from now on your name is Elaine!"
A woman named Yulia Suprun
Told her in-laws to pay the rent soon
But Casey was broke
And blew yet more smoke
Saying, "I'll have it in by next June..."
Behind Casey's innocent smile
Lies a con-man who's really quite vile.
He's misunderstood
But he'll say "it's all good!"
When he's found competent to stand trial!
While Aspeth was checking her blog,
A strange thing turned up in the log.
A sickening hobby
Of Nigel E. Swaby
Was finding more Haterz™ to flog!
Said Swaby to us, incidentally
"I love to hate Haters intently.
I have my own pool,
To sum up, I rule
And soon I'll be buying a Bentley!"
A woman named Stephanie J.
Claimed that Casey and Nigel were gay
While Nigel denied it,
The 'Case' couldn't hide it
And said, "He's a pretty sweet lay!"
The Haterz™ have finally won
But Nigel has barely begun
While talking in 'swish',
He'll say "Koi are fish,
And algae? That's caused by the sun."
The biggest online prima donna
Attacked Haterz™ like a piranha
He decided to flame
Using his Christian name
Of Sharky "The Moron" Laguana.
Said Casey, in homeless regalia:
"I need a new place in Australia
My old hosts agreed
That I surely need
A kick square in my genitalia..."
