Juice

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(Redirected from Juicy)

Freshly-slaughtered fruit and vegetables prepare to meet their maker

Juice is the liquid extract of fruits, vegetables, or certain grasses.

Juice is arguably the principal component of wanna-be real estate mogul Casey Serin's bizarre modified vegan diet. Serin claims to "Get Foreclosure Help by Drinking Fresh Juice":

I am serious. I found drinking freshly squeezed juice in the morning gives me energy to cope with stress of foreclosure and debt. Aside from being a healthy morning habit and amazing cleansing benefits, I also found fresh juice (with ginger added) wakes me up better than coffee and doesn’t cause “the jitters”.^[1]

It has been speculated that the "amazing cleansing benefits" may include "a serious case of the wheatgrass shits", allowing more time for on-the-pot comment moderation.

Serin attempts to follow the advice of quack dietary guru Dr. Joseph Mercola, although he adds his own scientific note of caution:

The only thing I don’t agree with him is he recommends avoiding fruit juice and sweet veggies like carrots because it raises insulin and what not.

Got to watch out for those what-nots; they can be nasty.

Casey's supplies of fruits and vegetables are supplied gratis by his ~~enabler~~ mother Anna Serin:

I get free produce from my parents when I visit them every week. [...] I try to reimburse them for their cost. My mom is happy to help me out and will not let me leave without grabbing a bag of produce and any other food she can give me. I always try to refuse but she doesn’t want to hear it. So then I stopped refusing and just accept it gladly.^[2]

Serin then went on to add, without irony, that he is "looking forward to becoming financially independent soon and completely taking care of their retirement". He neglected to mention that "taking care of their retirement" constituted screwing his mother out of $23,000 in corporate credit bills, and destroying their family name in perpetuity.

In CaseyLand, Juice can also describe the profit arising from massaging a sweet deal; or the traffic arising from sweet media coverage. See foreclosure juice for an example.

The term juice can also apply to a source of energy. For example, cell phones, cars, houses, airplanes and spaceships are powered by juice. In this usage "a cold-fusion type of battery-thingy that basically never runs out of energy"^[3] is roughly equivalent to a juicer.

The Juice is the nickname of O.J. Simpson, another alleged criminal who miraculously avoided going to jail.